I’m not even creative with titles anymore, oh my. Anyway, about 30 days until I turn 30 and it’s like the universe is letting me know that I really am getting older. True to my lesbian self I got injured again over the weekend but untrue to lesbianism in general I didn’t hurt myself playing soccer or softball. I hurt myself while lying on the beach. It’s so anti-climactic, I know, and it paints a very lazy picture of me. But it’s what happened (and I wouldn’t want to alter the truth for my blog, oh no). A sweet fag buddy invited us to spend a day at the seaside with him, so we did and in true fag buddy style the first thing he did when we arrived was pop a bottle of bubbles. Good times, right… but I bet that if I hadn’t been downing alcohol that day I wouldn’t have fallen asleep on the beach and my old bones wouldn’t have hurt so much on Monday.

In fact, when I woke up on Monday I couldn’t get out of bed at all. I guess you could say that’s just business as usual at Casa Dykes on a Monday morning, but this time I literally couldn’t get out of bed without The Frau pushing and pulling me out. Apparently a muscle in my shoulder got blocked which made me rather moving-impaired. But as I said before I’m trying to be positive these days, even when bad things happen so I decided to take it with a smile (and a couple of happy pills) and spend Monday and Tuesday in a deck chair on our terrace. So, when I got out of the shower this morning while The Frau was brushing her teeth she endearingly told me that now I was her little lobster. I guess you could say I forgot the sunscreen… But The Frau was kind enough to stay home and wait on me on Monday; I know you can’t really tell by looking at her (or reading my blog) but sometimes she’s really sweet. I’m back at work today and almost all my colleagues asked whether I had been playing too much tennis on the Wii. (Exactly as I had predicted yesterday afternoon while burning up on my terrace and thinking about what their reactions might be.)

Anyway, this latest ordeal has increased my conviction that until I actually turn 30 a few more inconvenient things will happen to me. Physically 2008 really hasn’t been my year yet; I got bronchitis in Miami. I had something unspeakable that hurt like hell a couple of months ago and now this. I do wonder what else the God of Dykes has in store for me. And why she is so set on letting me know that youth is slipping away from me. I don’t really mind being almost 30; I honestly believe that it beats being 20 and doing all sorts of silly things. But I hadn’t expected my body to go downhill that much.

Also, after a long debate with myself I decided to invite my colleagues to my birthday party (it’s not really something we generally do here at work) so I would already like to ask everyone who is attending to not out me as Dykes And The City. I mean, some of them don’t even know I’m a dyke yet, let alone Dykes And The City.

Something else now: who’s up for a game of soccer? Maybe next week (if the weather stays the same)? Or maybe I shouldn’t play anymore seeing as I am so prone to injury and soccer isn’t the kindest of sports (if I remember correctly).

Has a week gone by again? I guess spring is in the air and my blog is suffering from it. Let’s hope I don’t go down the same route as last year when I decided to actually quit blogging. But I have faith in myself and I also believe that dykes don’t make the same mistake twice. I’d refer you to my girlfriend’s blog for when things are a bit slow here but, ahum, I guess she’s busy being called darling at work and basking in the afterglow of that when she comes home. (The Frau has a new colleague who calls her darling and it’s not missing its effect.)

As for MY colleagues, well, I try not to blog about them (I really do) but when my cell mate decides to play Vlaamse Schlagers (I don’t know how to translate that and I don’t really want to waste my time thinking about it, I’ll just define it as music your grandparents will probably like) all day I need to vent, a lot. I love my cell mate, she’s the best cell mate I’ve ever had and we get along really well but she’s really taking things too far with this. I don’t think our office relationship can handle this kind of outrageous behaviour.

I’d actually prefer to listen to the new Madonna and that’s not a treat either. I’ve tried liking it but it’s really quite horrible. I gave it every chance; in fact I think I already gave it about 10 full listening sessions. The last one was last night on the train home but I had to stop listening because I already had a headache and Hard Candy wasn’t making it any better. It’s like all the songs you didn’t really like on her previous albums (but you forgave her for because she’s Madonna after all) have been gathered on one album. This pains me more than I can say because I adore Madonna. But Hard Candy is just so bad that even hardcore Madonna fans like me don’t enjoy it. Or maybe I just don’t get. That must be it.

In Wii news, I bought the Wii Fit last weekend and I’m loving it. But, surprise surprise, I’ve already hurt myself. Last night while I was doing some lunges I felt something in my left heel. Instead of accepting the signal my body sent me and throwing myself in the couch for the rest of the evening, I just had to continue. (When I go I like to go all the way.) So I finished my work out and I actually forgot about my heel until this morning when I got off the train. Getting off the train in the morning is already a pretty bad moment in the day because I have to open my eyes and start thinking about reality instead of how much Padma wants me, and of course getting off the train with pain in my foot doesn’t help the situation. I’m trying to stay positive about it though (it’s the new me). I have to go to my Photoshop class tonight and our class room is on the fourth floor so I will have a good excuse to use the elevator. You see, it’s all about being happy with the small things in life. It’s never been my specialty but it’s growing on me. (I guess someone’s pushing 30.)

I’m not only addicted to Top Chef and tennis on the Wii, I’ve also got it bad for the fabulous Scrabulous on Facebook. If it weren’t for Scrabulous I probably wouldn’t even log on to Facebook every day. I’ve had to take some big defeats already and I haven’t been able to beat The Frau yet (as we all know, she’s so much smarter than me) but one fine day I will beat her. I have to. One night last week The Frau came home quite grumpy because she’d had a bad day. She hardly said a word all night until she made a move on Scrabulous and she gleefully told me that she had just formed the best word ever on Scrabulous and that she was kicking my butt again, as usual. And then she wasn’t grumpy anymore. What we can conclude is that I’m not capable of putting a smile on my girlfriend’s face anymore, but Scrabulous can. So, I’m out for revenge.

Earlier this week The (equally fabulous) Graces wrote a blogpost on how much lesbians like brain games. (A little sidenote: I actually don’t like brain games that much - but I know a few dykes who really do - because it’s all too confusing for my tiny brain. I only play Scrabulous.) This inspired a lesbian Scrabulous orgy on Facebook, which is actually just lesbians playing Scrabulous against each other (well, as far as I know anyway). So, I decided to use my time wisely and created the Facebook group “The Lesbian Scrabulous Orgy”. Do join and challenge away!

Will Ghent finally get a cool queer bar? I don’t know yet, all I know is that next week a new place is opening and in the mail I received it said for ‘Holebi & Friends’. (Although I heard that the word ‘holebi’ is currently not being used anymore.) So, a new bar is opening and it’s aiming for a gay clientele. I don’t know if it will be cool but I will of course investigate. (I also think I should at least get a free beer for posting this.) The opening of Barrazza is next Wednesday April 30th, it might be worth checking out (but if it’s not, don’t blame me).

No no, I wasn’t kidnapped and tortured by the Lesbian Blog Mafia (even DJ Tina has been very nice to me) it’s just that in between watching Top Chef, drooling over Padma (almost a fulltime job), work, some other stuff and my Wii I seem to not have found any more time for blogging. But I am alive. So, what’s on?

Well, if you’re in Ghent this weekend do go to Make-Up Club on Friday because Big Willy brought Los Ninos to Ghent and it should be fun (and Big Willy is a very nice guy). I would advise you to go early because I think the place is going to be packed (with gay hotness) (hopefully). And it’s only 5 EUR and where else can you party amongst queer hipsters all night for that kind of money these days? I know, no longer at one of our parties but I guess you had figured it out by now; we’re taking a little break.

In Wii related news (a new feature on D&tC) I have reached pro-status in tennis but I can tell you that it is much harder being a professional than an amateur! Since I became a pro I haven’t been winning that much games anymore and that pisses me of enormously because there’s is no better buzz than winning a Wii tennis game (really, but you won’t know until you’ve tried) (yes, Frau Genau I’m talking to you). And I hate to lose, of course.

I also have a new game called Dancing Stage Hottest Party (you can’t buy it in Belgium but if interested you can easily get it from Amazon.fr) and it’s really great for burning some calories in front of your TV but I suck at it. All my life I somehow made myself believe that I have an almost decent sense of rhythm. I mean, I’ve always known I’m not a very good dancer but at the same time I’ve always been convinced that I could hide it enough to not look too ridiculous. But with this game there is no hiding. Every time you have danced to a song you get a rating and the highest I’ve gotten so far is a C (once), with A being the best score and E the worst. So, I still have some practicing to do and as soon as I have scored a B I will host a Wii party at Casa Dykes. (But, dear fag buddies, it may take a while.)

Over at Grace The Spot, the Graces are asking the most important question in the world: If you were given a free pass to have an affair with a famous person, who would it be?

Here’s my current Top 5 (and do give The Graces yours):

1. Padma Lakshmi (I suffer from a severe Top Chef addiction)
2. Jill Bennett (Oh Jill, when are you vlogging again? I miss you so…)
3. Bette Porter (The Dean will always be on my list)
4. Nigella Lawson (Nobody licks a spoon like Nigella does)
5. Tina Fey (Oh joy, 30 Rock is back!)

(Oh, what would we do without our TV…)

Created by OnePlusYou

Via bnox

We live on the first floor of our building but apparently we are not the only first-floor-living lesbians in our street. We have been able to do some very serious dyke spotting lately just by looking out of the window. Right across the street from our building there’s a huge house divided into three flats and we suspect the inhabitants of the flat on the first floor of dykely inclinations. At first we just regularly noticed a girl hanging her head out of the window to smoke. And then on occasions we saw another girl. And then our DykeDar started buzzing (from all the way across the street) and now we’re convinced that our particular part of the street must be Gay Heaven. On the second floor of the very same house across the street we have also already spotted a familiar fag face. And now we’re wondering which other gay deliciousness is hiding behind the drawn curtains in our street.

We do have a history in gay housing, although my DykeDar hasn’t had any reason to buzz inside our own current building yet. So far it only goes crazy when I’m looking out of the window. And I have to admit that lately I’ve been looking out of the window a whole lot more than before. But isn’t it a great world we live in when you just have to tilt your head a bit to see a real life lesbian? And although I am very much against smoking and I daily wish that the world (actually I would already be happy with train platforms) was smoke-free, I don’t want our lesbian neighbour to quit. At first I thought that she was studying to be a doctor because she’s always wearing those kind of green scrubs that doctors wear but then I thought that med students wouldn’t smoke because if they did what kind of world would we live in? So now I’m thinking she just likes to get comfortable when she gets home (as in putting on a comfortable pair of trousers). I do think she is a student though because she’s home a lot and she doesn’t strike me as over 25. I guess you could say I’m a little intrigued; maybe I should wave next time she comes out to smoke…

But, when the curtains are not drawn and their TV is playing we can see what they’re watching (last Sunday afternoon they were watching the cycling!) so I’m guessing that they can do the same. And last night I was trying out a new Wii game that involves dancing and I was going at it like crazy and I got so caught up in it that I forgot to close the curtains… so now I’m feeling a little bit self-conscious because from what Frau Genau told me my dancing was not a very pretty sight. Then again, The Frau is very much into tough love (she makes me work for it) so she may have exaggerated a bit.

It may be fun living in a part of the street with a high lesbian density but it sure isn’t easy.

Dyke Radio dominated by male voices, such a scandal (mp3)

The Stations * The Gutter Twins (Saturnalia)
The Purgatory Line * Drive-By Truckers (Brighter Than Creation’s Dark)
My Dove, My Lamb * Phosphorescent (Pride)
Can’t Take It With You * Marah (Angels of Destruction)
Many Shades Of Black * The Raconteurs (Consolers Of The Lonely)
One Day Like This * Elbow (The Seldom Seen Kid)
I Will Possess Your Heart * Death Cab for Cutie (Narrow Stairs)
Machine Gun * Portishead (Third)
Cheap and Cheerful * The Kills (Midnight Boom)
Walcott * Vampire Weekend (Vampire Weekend)
The Age Of The Understatement * The Last Shadow Puppets (The Age Of The Understatement)
You Want The Candy * The Raveonettes (Lust Lust Lust)
Kids * MGMT (Oracular Spectacular)
Blind * Hercules and Love Affair (Hercules and Love Affair)

From the D&tC Inbox: 

Dear friends,

It is a great honour for us to invite you all to the KINGs Village, the first International Drag King Festival in Italy which will take place in Rome, from July 10th till July 12th 2008. KINGs Village is organized by the Kings of Rome and Di’ Gay Project, and will be hosted by the famous annual LGBT summer event Gay Village 2008.

KINGs Village aims to promote and spread the Drag King subculture, a phenomenon which is finally conquering the Italian gender experimentation scene. It will gather Drag Kings from different countries of Europe, and will give them the opportunity to exchange precious experience through the contest.

We kindly invite you to inform the members of your Associations, artists and all interested individuals about this unique event. We expect you to share our enthusiasm and help us get this message to all drag king performers throughout Europe.

Drag king performers contact us!

Please fill out the Application form on our website.

Hope to hear soon from you!

Sincerely yours,

Ivona Cikos alias Ivan il Terribile

Kings Village
c/o Di’ Gay Project
Via Costantino, 82
00154 Roma – Italy
www.kingsvillage.it
info[at]kingsvillage[dot]it

At Casa Dykes we are quite fond of Elbow. They have a new album out and I was very happy to find myself a new Elbow Anthem on The Seldom Seen Kid (a great title for the best album of 2008 so far). Previous Elbow Anthems include Station Approach (on Leaders Of The Free World) and Switching Off (on Cast Of Thousands). As it happens my latest favourite Elbow tune is also what I like to call a ‘big song’; a song with a delicious Grand Finale (strings, choirs, anything goes…).

It’s in my nature to like big songs, as opposed to The Frau (I decided to change my girlfriend’s nickname again because now that The L Word is over and done with, that My Lover C. stuff doesn’t really make much sense anymore) who is more one to appreciate 2-second piano intermezzo’s. (I guess that’s the big difference between us, I don’t appreciate the small things in life as much as she does and I always want a lot of everything.) (Or as The Frau usually puts it: “Moderation - as in ‘the quality of being moderate; restraint; avoidance of extremes or excesses; temperance’ - is not a word that can be found in D&tC’s dictionary.)

Anyway, I was talking about ’Big Songs’ I believe. Well, 2008 has already given us 2 great ones. The first one is ‘Out Of Our Heads’ by Sheryl Crow (mp3), a sunny song that will definitely put a smile on your face (I had it on repeat during a Monday morning commute once and the results were spectacular).

The second one is ‘One Day Like This’ by Elbow (mp3), it’s very dramatic actually with lots of strings and quite a bit of bombast but it’s such a glorious song (and it’s great to sing along to). (I would also like to congratulate Guy Garvey for incorporating the word ‘cow’ in a love song.) Here’s the video:

I’m a big fan of cooking shows, especially when they’re hosted by the likes of Nigella Lawson or… Padma Lakshmi. I’m not much of a cook, believe me, I’ve tried but it just doesn’t come naturally to me. I have accepted that the stove is not the place that most inspires me. My TV on the other hand, now that is a very inspirational item. Especially when I’m watching Top Chef. Top Chef is drool time, I can tell you that, and not because of the food or the occasional chefbian but all because of Padma.

I don’t think I’ve ever in my life seen such pure hotness. Padma hosts the show but she actually doesn’t have that much screen time because it’s more focused on the contestants; and every time she does grace our TV with her appearance I’m genuinely surprised by just how perfect she looks (and I ask myself how it is possible). And I can’t help myself but at the end of every episode when she has to send an aspiring top chef home and she says: “Please pack your knives and go home”; I can’t but imagine her saying a more dyke-friendly alternative version: “Please pack your str*p *n and come to my house”. (I realize this is a little bit inappropriate but My Lover C. told me to blog this.) (Although she has her own blog now so I shouldn’t listen to that kind of stuff anymore.) (I’m just plugging her blog so she would cook me some dinner tonight, Padma style.)

I’ve been doing a bit of (blog) research on Padma and I was quite amazed to learn that until last year she was married to Salman Rushdie. All I could think was (in true Dawn Denbo fashion): really, Padma? Apparently a lot of people prefer intelligence over looks (something I’ll never understand) and not everyone is as shallow as I am. (This actually reminds me of something a fag buddy once said to me when he met someone he really liked: “This guy is really great and we get along very well but he’s really not that pretty and I’m as attracted to him as I am to a cow. So it’s not going to work.”)

Anyway, once again I am glad to have served my shallow purpose of bringing some hotness into the blogosphere. Don’t mention it.

I’m a commuter, 4 days a week I take the train from Ghent to Brussels to get to work. And back. A single commute - from closing my front door to clocking on at work - takes me about 1 hour. This morning on the train I did a quick calculation of how many hours per year I spend en route to work. 2 hours per day > 4 days per week > 42 weeks per year (52 - 10 weeks of not working) = 336 hours per year. If you divide that by 24 (as in 24 hours in 1 day) you get 14. This means that every year I spend 14 full days travelling to work. That’s a lot, right?

A lot of that commuting time is spent on (or waiting for) trains. The Ghent-Brussels line is a very busy line and so it happens quite regularly that I see people that I know. The ‘Sorry’ in the title of this post is addressed to them. The thing is: I don’t do morning conversation well. And that’s to put it mildly (I actually hate it). I’m not a morning person and before 9.30AM I try to avoid as much social interaction as possible. So if you see me avoiding you while waiting on a train, don’t take it as an insult. It’s not you, it’s me.

Well, most of the time it’s me. Last week I was waiting for my train and I was actually actively trying to avoid someone. I was scanning faces to see when I had to duck for cover and all of a sudden a vaguely familiar face pops up in front of me. Cursing on the inside I say hi to this girl who I remember from school. While thinking that I was only getting what I had coming anyway we boarded the train and for once there was lots of room (Easter holiday) and we could sit next to each other. Sweet bliss.

As we sat down I suddenly remembered why I didn’t like her in school. She’s one of those people who immediately start telling you really personal stuff like they’ve known you forever. I don’t like that in the evening and I certainly don’t like it in the morning. While she was going on about all sorts of stuff I couldn’t care less about I was racking my brain for a way out of the situation. The only thing I could come up with at that point was to close my eyes and pretend I had fallen asleep. So I did that. Now, I know that that is quite rude but it would have been even ruder if had taken my iPod out of my bag and started listening to some music (with headphones of course). I opened my eyes again when we arrived in Brussels and apologized for falling asleep and that was that.

Commuting, it’s not an easy business.

I’ve had my Wii for about a week and a half now and - surprise surprise - I’m not bored with it yet (and I’m not just saying this to prove My Lover C. wrong). On the contrary, I’m totally in love with my Wii. I’ve never been much of a gamer, in fact I’ve never even been temped to become a gay girl who games. I simply don’t have the patience for it (and I prefer to just watch TV). But you should see me now… I think I may become an addict but I’m not ready to officially proclaim myself one because I think I should at least wait until the novelty wears off. Although I don’t think that will happen soon because when you’re through with one game you can always get another, oh the brilliance of gaming consoles.

I am a little disappointed at what Belgian stores have got to offer in the Wii gaming department though. As I am not a real gamer and I’m actually only interested in Pretend Sports all the Mario games for instance are pretty wasted on me. I mean, I’m almost 30 years old and I’ve never found joy in making a computer-animated little man jump over things and shoot his pretend enemies (or whatever it is that they’re supposed to do) so I’m not going to start now. I intently bought my Wii because it offers the best solution to the most challenging question I’ve ever asked myself: How can I feel like I’m working out whilst involving my TV? The Wii is absolutely perfect for that.

When you buy a Wii it comes with the game Wii Sports so you can immediately start playing tennis, baseball, golf, bowling or boxing. I love the tennis game and I am quite proud to say that in the week and a half I’ve been playing I’ve already scored more than 600 points which means that I’m already more than half a professional (you get pro status when you reach the 1000 points mark). Of course the higher your rank the more difficult the game becomes, but that gives you the chance to rise to bigger occasions every time you play. It’s just wonderful.

If I’m lucky I should be able to bust some moves while playing Dancing Stage Hottest Party by the end of the week (I ordered it from Amazon.fr because I couldn’t find it anywhere in Belgium). But the game I’m really waiting for is of course… Wii Fit. The European release date is set for 25 April so the time is almost upon is. And I’m looking for a sponsor. There must be someone who can hook me up with the Wii Fit game in exchange for loads of free publicity on my blog? No? Well, it was worth the try…

Anyway, if you have a Wii, do be careful or your story might end up here!